I can't even begin to imagine...

These passed few days have been kind of a rude awakening for me, I think. It actually started a few months ago when I heard a dear friend of mine had a son, about 18 months old, who was hit by a friend's car right there in front of his home. It was the saddest thing I had heard in a really long time and my heart just broke. My thoughts always automatically turn to my own children and how grateful I am for their little faces. I am definately human, though, and as my life goes on I forget to be thankful for my little blessings until I run into another rude awakening (this weekend). I had the opportunity to go to Time Out For Women in Oklahoma City with a great group of girls. We had a WONDERFUL TIME by the way-and I have yet to post some photos and talk about the great part of the weekend. But I wanted to focus on the serious part right now (I know...I am known to get a little too serious and sentimental about stuff but I think this is a necessary time for it).

Saturday, April 19 was the 13th year anniversary of the OKC bombing. It happened at 9:02 that morning. When it happened I was living in Dallas but I was only 15 years old. I didn't have the focus on it I may have had when 911 occurred but I wish my maturity had grown enough by that point for it to have effected me the way it did 13 years later. Anyway, it was a beautiful memorial the city of Oklahoma City had put together. There were "empty chairs" scattered among the grassy field to your left as you walk in and the "survivor tree" on the right. In the center was where the main bldg stood, and it is now a rectangular area covered in a peaceful water. The feeling you get in the pit of your stomach the minute you walk into that area is unforgettable and undeniable. The saddness was unmistakably raw for many still. I can not even imagine what the families of the victims must feel. The empty chairs is where the rude awakening started to strike within me. Walking along I couldn't help but notice the 2 chairs, sitting side by side. They were covered in "boy things"-spider man balloon, little cars, trucks...all the stuff my little boys would play with. That is when I realized there were children in the bldg. I had no idea when it happened that a whole floor of children played in the daycare everyday before that awful disaster. We always take these disasterous moments and compare them with "what if that were me", especially when it comes to children. I called Ty and the boys immediately and told them I love them. I could try to imagine those 2 empty chairs belonging to my 2 boys. These boys were in fact the same age as my 2. Poor Ty thought I was insane and kept repeating that they are doing fine and to enjoy myself. I promised that I had been (as I stand bawling into the phone). Rude awakening... Then, we go INTO the museum and words really can't explain. This memorial was so carefully put in place, personalizing every detail that had been left behind. They had cases filled with belongings that survived their victims. I will never forget the case with a pile of children's shoes, one in particular labeled with the little girl's name and that she had died when the bomb struck the bldg. Tears keep falling, but I keep walking through the different corridors that lead to more and more food for my rude awakening. There is so much more-we walked into a makeshift board room with the actual sound effects of the bomb in the background that was recorded during an actual board meeting that morning across the street. Then you walk out of the room and "live" footage from that day is shown on a television. The last thing I will mention is the emotional interviews survivors were stating from the disaster. Footage of parents from the scene who had either lost or were hopeful in finding their children that were on that 2nd floor brought on the tears! I was awakened to my life and the fragility of every moment of it. THIS sort of thing could happen to anyone...anywhere...at any time. I want to enjoy every moment I have my little children with me, every moment I am with my husband and just pray he is safe at work or driving...wherever he goes. I don't think we should live in fear...but I KNOW we shouldn't live in ignorance to what can be taken from us.

Then, yesterday I receive an email from my brother about another dear friend whose little boy was diagnosed with ALL leukemia. One moment, they thought he had the flu-the next, they are fighting to keep a terrible disease from taking their little boy away. I look up to their strength and pray that little Jake will come through. I pray that I will continue to enjoy life's greatest blessings and truly remember WHAT REALLY MATTERS! I am so done with worrying about the dumb little things that take away from the important things.

Sorry for the long post-I just needed to get out what I have been feeling. It feels good to slap yourself in the face (not literally) and really wake up to the clear things the Lord wants us to see.